Reasonable Doubt: Telling Terra
by M. Tsukai
Summary: Raven's relationship with a certain blonde has always been strained, but life's circumstances force her to think differently about herself and Terra
1. Spoken

Reasonable Doubt: Telling Terra

M. Tsukai here. Just wanted to add to my little arc o' fanfiction, "Reasonable Doubt". To grasp the little I created, you should read "Reasonable Doubt: Sancta Terra" and "Reasonable Doubt: Method Acting". I really want to thank SamuraiStar and TT Fan for reviewing my stories, and I dedicate this installment to them. Someone asked me why I refer to Beast Boy as Garfield...and from the information I've been reading (via the net, so I'm not super sure) that was his real name. I don't write for reviews, but it's nice to know that someone thought well of my work. I don't really have a favorite Titan, and while most of this arc is about Terra, it's not just her exclusively. My Other, Sophia, pops in here for a while, so...to the story.

She was interfering with my concentration. She brought that traitor back into our home, and she is very close to becoming the object of my wrath.

I don't even bother meditating anymore, and, well, it's not gone unnoticed.

I left the Tower after Terra came back. Packed up a bag full of books and my mirror and my communicator and as much as blamed Blondie for the predicament Garfield was in.

He could not seem to function without her. They weren't a couple, because Garfield was too upset, but he followed her around and they got into huge fights that no one would dare break up.

Robin watched both with a suppressed air of irritation, while Cyborg did his best to welcome back Terra and make her feel part of the team.

Starfire has not spoken directly to her, to her credit.

And I...Terra and I had a six hour conversation that ended with both sides trudging to bed with the weight of the world once more upon our respective shoulders.

We were too different.

"Not so much, Raven."

Sophia.

"Don't you need permission to go fishing?"

"From you? Right."

I flew that afternoon, with a short terse note relating my reasons and when I'd be back. I've never traveled around the planet (or this city, for that matter), but I had the sense to go incognito. As far as I was concerned, I looked as normal as any teenager. Which didn't explain why every freak in a ten mile radius found a reason to harass me.

I gave up the walking plan, and took to the sky. No one knows this, but to me, flying is like being free.

Which is something I don't know a lot of. Oh, theoretically, I do. I can build a house of the abstrations I am able to understand and use to my advantage. But they are just words, just facts crumpled in form, sound and fury that, in reality, signify very little.

It was my fault. My mind, heedless of my Intellect, withdrew to a portion of reality that I knew. That I couldn't tell without admitting something to myself.

Damn Terra.

I'd like to tell you that it was easy to have her as an enemy. Oh, the others thought I retained a completely neutral feeling towards her. And you know the story, that my powers are wired, for lack of a better term, through my emotional states. What you might not know is this: that it's not the normal course of emotions that does it. It's only an unhealthy balance, when I can't control what happens. I discovered this to be true not too long ago, when I found I had...feelings for a certain young man. Because it's a true emotion, one that is felt and lived through and not hidden, even though he probably doesn't know what I'm thinking.

There's a difference between privacy and denial.

Privately, inwardly the tears ran from my cheeks to the oceans of my Nevermore; outwardly, the feature that has defined me within our little band of heroes did not change.

The real question, the one that really haunts me, is whether there is a difference between betrayal and bad judgment. And I'm not so sure how to answer.

I have to say, I was completely shocked when I sensed the petrified traitor-Titan in the sky, waving a mute goodbye. Unlike the others, I knew why she'd appeared so..it was a ploy, but one she really didn't think through, because, for all intents and purposes, she couldn't get out. I knew this and also knew that she could not live with the guilt and the shame and the agony of complete isolation. She's like Garfield-Beast Boy sounds so...childish- she can't function without other people. She'd slowly drain her mental resources, succumb to insanity, and pass the last segments of life in an emotional and mental vaccuum. I knew all of this, and knew, even if her 'consort' felt deeply for her, it, in the end, could not save her.

But I could.

It's a simple spell that unbinds a soul from their misplaced guilt. And after such a sacrifice, it would have been nothing to me to make it happen.

"I'm surprised, really."

"You're not."

I blinked and the near-ethereal creature fixed a solemn stare in my direction. She was approximately six inches from my face before I noticed her- a feat considering the empathic abilities I wield. Terra brought this...person (I don't know what else to call it, though I'm tempted to suspect that she is, or might have been human) into our lives, and she's been meddling ever since. I've spied Starfire wandering around the Tower, conducting an invisible interrogation of this...Other. Robin's done everything short of homicide to get rid of her, and Garfield claims she's our Guardian angel. Cyborg-Victor- won't even discuss her. He's the only one who hasn' t had a real reaction to her since her extended visit.

"Why didn't you, Raven?"

There was an answer on the tip of my tongue, suspiciously sounding like "Mind your own d---ed business" but something made me stop. And the thought that her...humanity might have given way to something I'd be very stupid to anger.

Privacy, denial. Only one could give me an out.

"That's a very personal question."

"I know."

"Tell me something." I took a moment to light on the roof of the Tower. I realized as I circled the City that all my attempts to disappear in order to find myself were both useless and a product of a guilty conscience rather than righteous indignation.

"Can you read my mind?" I turned to her, my index finger touching my head. So many others had claimed to be able to do that very thing to me, both in Azarath and here and everywhere else I've ever been. Even my father...they didn't know. They unlocked one door, maybe, one that acted as a warning signal to me and hid a 'dummy file' on myself.

"No." The other girl shifted her gaze to another site, this time, the sandy beach where we'd met the traitor Terra.

"Then..?" I tried to extend my mind to reach hers. She smiled, a half-sad hybrid.

"I have my sources."

Denial.

"You knew that I...you said so yourself."

"Sources, Raven. That doesn't really have anything to do with me."

I paused. She allowed me access into her mind, and the things I saw...

The things I saw...

It wasn't much information, I still didn't know why she was visiting us, and I didn't know how she knew so much, and I really couldn't conceive what she was.

I returned to the Tower, to the shadows of my room, to the silence of my own mind.

End Part One


	2. Too Close

Telling Terra- Part Two

M. Tsukai again. My first version of this got stuck on a Floppy that apparently went over its limit (1.44 MB), and thus cannot be opened. If anyone knows how to fix that...I'd be so grateful... Anyway, on to the story. I needed to thank and for reviewing for me. Remember, folks, I do not (I repeat, not) own Teen Titans, though I do retain Sophia and ideas concerning her. Not like that's important. But just so you know... Slight CyRae and RaeBB ( I've never been able to picture a couple in TT, though RobStar is pretty adorable). You flame, I'll use them to keep me warm here up North

She was in my room.

I don't think anyone could possibly understand the emotions swirling like a vortex in my mind.

Everyone had known I was gone- that it in no way translated into "Let's go snoop in Raven's sanctum"

But she was waiting, her blond hair swept up into a ponytail, her grey eyes illuminating the not-so-invisible silence.

Like she knew I'd be back.

Sophia.

She didn't flinch from my gaze, even when I turned up the heat with an old Azar glare. It's something I know well, I'd be treated to a few of them when I was young. Younger.

Nothing. No reaction, just a blank, no, make that empty expression that was very familiar.

Beast Boy. Silly sad boy lost without his girl. I bite my tongue.

"Terra"

"I felt like...we needed to talk."

I nodded and took a mental inventory of my room. Aside for my bed, my privacy had not been violated. Good for you, Terra. Because if you had...

"I'm hungry. I'll eat" I looked from my room to her eyes. "Then we'll talk". I turn and slip from my room, stretching my powers to drag her along.

She does not resist. I come into the common room, greeted with the typical scenario in this instance: Victor and BB are fixed on the TV screen, racing cars. Star and Robin, well...they presumed no one was focused on them...they were engaged in a rather amusing session discussing...oh, how shall I put this...Star's questions about reproduction. 'Nuff said. Their reaction was typical as well: seeing me, everyone stared at me while attempting to look concerned. Garfield's eyes darkened when he saw who was behind me.

"I told you not to go in there."

"Don't talk to me, Garfield." Terra's eyes, blazing gold, found everywhere in the world to focus instead of Beast Boy.

He never could take a hint, and no one was surprised when he kept on the near-accustory banter.

Everyone was surprised when Beast Boy flew face-first into the television. Stupid boy, insisting on that stone chair as a token of reconciliation.

Not a good time for conversation, I muse, as I pick up an apple from the fruit basket and phase through the walls, drawing her with me. For her protection...and his.

We find seats on the roof, a place I'd officially designated as mine once she left. I bit into my apple and waited.

"You cannot believe that I am back."

"Nor can I believe that you broke this curse yourself. That creature...Sophia...what is it?"

When Terra is nervous she pulls a stone from her pocket and rubs it. She does. I wait.

"I'm not really sure. I don't know why she cared."

"Doesn't matter, I guess." Pause. Eventually she would have to know.

"I'm sorry, Raven."

"I didn't want you back here, you know." I remove the hood of my cloak, turn from the sky to her face. I don't know why she always looks as though we should be pained by her decisions, as if her actions changed the course of our Fates. I had peered, for a moment when I gazed into Malchoir's eyes, into a future. Of Beast Boy and the others so happy...and I am no longer there...and Terra has all but moved into my room and rearranged everything. He did not speak the truth.

He was a liar from the beginning. And I was alone.

"Is it because of Beast Boy...?"

"Garfield," my voice tight in anger, "has nothing to do with this."

It should be easy, should it not, to simply admit that I could have made a difference. That she did not have to suffer in the silence of her own sins, not when she had waged her war against him. And won.

Garfield remains at the outskirts of my mind, for his is a mind that is painfully young and unnurtured. The others, in various degrees were mutating, absorbing knowledge and refining their thoughts. Not so with him. I had gravitated to him-because he was the only one who wasn't self-sufficient. _She_ hadn't been there when he'd gone rogue, I had held him many nights, holding his tears like diamonds close to my heart in the midst of some half-remembered nightmare. I had loved him,damn it-in my own way, the way a woman loves a man-child's futile grasp for maturity. There had been something there-me supporting him, and he in his own awkward way, trying to do the same. And he chose her. Over and over and over.

"It was easier without you. You made him worry. And you made Robin nervous. And you made Cy trust you. And...Star..." somewhere between my own feelings and the rational conversation I was having with my emotions, the dam broke. I don't cry. I can't.

Her arms encircle me, and my first thought could easily send our numbers back down to five. But who else should see these tears? Who else deserved to?

"I knew how to rescue you."

I whisper. She freezes. And somewhere I feel the link I'd forged between us snapping. She is no longer the comforter.

"Maybe I deserve that." Her eyes are trained on the ground. I blink, desperate to reassert control. Because there is a bastion for me. And because it was time to turn over my duties to her.

"He needs you."

Her gold eyes stare me down. Behind me, and us all was a boulder. She hadn't moved, her facial features remained as blank as they had became the moment I admitted my guilt.

"I will leave and never come back, " she warns, turning her back on me. "I will not continually be subjected to guilt imposed by others."

Where were the meddling demi-angels when you needed them? My wisdom could only take me so far.

There is one source of peace open to me.

I close my eyes and embrace the wind.

The calming aura of the sea and the silence of the world around me-punctuated only by breathing-brought not only a disassociation from the situation but also a sense of purpose. My own bastion kept me, the thing I focused on most when I was losing me. Before Terra had ever even come into my life, there was someone I could turn to, who was strong enough not to require any strength from me (though he cherished it just the same).

Victor


	3. More than One

Author's Note: I know this is a short piece of the pie, but it took a long time to figure it out. I want to thank TT Fan for reviewing chapter two. It gave me the umph to make…this. Not sure if this is the end, though

More Than One

I don't bother with the comfortable phrase threatening to spill from my lips. It's automatic, like the emotion (patented disinterest) painted on my features, like my cape and the room I don't let anyone enter. Those words would mean the empty sort of peace I'd finally achieved with regard to the loss of Azar.

Yesterday was not my day.

Today wasn't looking any better.

The blonde had locked herself in her room after our discussion and even Star's anger turned to pity when Terra refused breakfast, and lunch, and dinner. Lucky for me Robin was gone, off to some vanity mission for the week. Beast Boy…Garfield was last seen lying across the door of her room, sleeping.

The sun sinks with the malaise of an exhausted man, so I spent an extra hour staring out into the remains of day. The mainland was a jewel box, earthbound stars filled my horizon, and it really didn't matter so much about Terra. I apologized…I admitted that I made a mistake and the guilt, anger, and fear were a relief because when Terra turned her blue-grey/gold eyes to me—eyes pooling with hurt, I knew she'd go running to Garfield to make it better. He'd be there, a pillar, a pillar like Victor. Robin would not appreciate this; he serves Duty blindly, completely and his world was so monochromatic that at one point, the Titans were on the verge of self-annihilation.

Nightfall finds me stretched out on the couch of our living room, a flashlight in one hand and a book of Azar stories in the other. Arella made me read these stories to her from the age of four or five so memories rather than words fill my mind and I really don't need the book at all.

It's a comfort, some comfort though.

"Rae."

Damn it. I sat up and faced my intruder. It wasn't fair…didn't make any sense; I had stayed on the roof, in the cold waiting until I sensed everyone had retired to their rooms for sleep.

Victor doesn't need to sleep. Sort of. I think. If I took a moment to reorient myself, to hit the surface of this pool of pity, I could think a little more clearly. I could figure it out. Instead, I yawned and pulled the hood of my cape over my hair.

"Do you need to talk?" He crossed to the loveseat, sat down, and faced me. This could not be happening, and not just because of what had been going on.

"You know anything about our shadow?" I muttered, because maybe his reluctance to discuss the issue would force his hand. Maybe he'd storm away and channel his anger into a new gadget for his car. I have never prayed so hard for that damn Titans' alarm to ring.

"She told BB. He told me. You should know that by now," Cy's voice melted in tones of a softer emotion…don't let it be _pity_.  
"I don't want to talk about it," Scooping my book and flashlight into my arms, I phased out of there and re-emerged in my room. The items properly returned to their respective spaces, I crawled under the covers.

"We need to talk." The second time this week I'd heard the phrase, and this time I'd have to tell Victor. This time was at a silent breakfast with Cy and me as the only participants. What was I supposed to tell him? That I loved him, how every bone in my body craved his explanation that he didn't have feelings for Clowngirl that he felt the air between us was thick with unspoken words…

"Fine." I turned from my meal (tea and dry toast, of course) and backtracked towards my room. His footsteps, momentarily hesitant, followed me. I waited at the door of my room; if I was going to this, I might as well go all out.

There is a moment in which one turns from fear to resignation. He _couldn't_...

His lips felt like feathers and the only sound that rang in my head was the crummy love music Starfire's so fond of.

Victor bids me goodnight, and I make the walk down to her room. She hasn't slept, and Garfield lies atop her as a kitten.

"I'm so sorry, Terra." Nothing explodes.

"I overeacted. Things happen, right?"

"Yeah. Do you think that things will…you know…?" It's hard to admit that I don't know.

"Later…it'll take some time." She pauses, and shifts, so Garfield's body is now on her bed. "Gar believes in me, and Star…she's talking to me now."

"I'm curious. Did Sophia have anything to do with this?"

"She does. And you?"

"She…it's kind of difficult to explain. But yes." I took a breath and looked Terra in the eye. It's the second time I've done so. She returned the gaze frankly, the hint of a smile dancing in her eyes, but it disappeared.

It wasn't that easy; I should have known. Now even Terra's mind, once clear with innocence of her new reality, was clouded and closed. Closed to me. It stung.

But Victor's kiss lingers on in the heat of my cheek.


	4. Not Yours

Reasonable Doubt: Wonder Where the Rain Comes From…

…I left off with Cy/Rae, right? Then it's only fair to dig deeper into Cy's mind…expect some unpleasant language and adult themes. Maybe. BTW, isn't it just heartbreak that TT is over? It's pathetic, here I am, a full-grown adult, getting sentimental about a cartoon show. But it was soooo much more, to me…(sniffs)

Alright…ignore the emotional deluge. I am ready, so here's the disclaimer, boys and girls…I do not own Teen Titans, its characters, or…anything really (except debt. Lots 'n lots of debt ). I do own Sophia, but she's kinda bratty, so I'm thinking about selling her on the black market. Here goes .

The inky darkness found Victor sitting alone in the dining room, his cybernetic eye focused on the latest technological advance from Star Labs. The others would not understand, so he shrinks at admitting some unpleasant truths to them-that, for example, the giant T they all called home was in fact a gift of sorts from his…he had yet to vocalize the word.

He wouldn't.

That life died years ago, years ago when he was normal and had friends who saw him as the scholar-athlete of his school. Remnants of that life existed only in a cardboard shoebox underneath the slab that was _supposed_ to be a bed. Robin-no, Dick, on nights like tonight masks faded away-Dick had lost much in his life, but gained a mentor (even if the relationship was extremely strained). Koriand'r's inner joy would not be snuffed out by her cruel sister or unhappy family life; Garfield at least had the sense to remain ever optimistic. Terra could rest in the anchor of Gar's affections. And Raven…Raven could retreat to Nevermore whenever the mood struck her.

Victor Stone alone could not escape his demons.

Like the one currently staring at him.

"It's been a long time."

"…"

"I know you didn't want to see me again, but…"

"Just…shut up. The others think you're some sort of guardian angel or something. You don't have the right to encourage them like that."

"It's not my fault, Vict—"

"Don't you _ever_ call me that." There were, perhaps three instances in his life that the young man found himself acting irrationally, out of control. It was interesting to note the perpetual catalyst.

There was a girl, Before. Back when Victor was the only name he had, there was a family friend who came running to him, crying, whispering her secrets, looking for absolution. They had grown up together, and he had always suspected that one day they'd at least try to have a relationship. It never happened.

Instead, she asked him, and he obliged.

Two months later, his broken body had been knit together, not by sinew and bone, but circuits and nanotechnology. The girl died, or disappeared. No one ever spoke of her again, and he blamed himself and took it out on his own family.

It had brought him here, to this giant 'T' on the island.

"You gave me hope. I'll never forget what you did for me."

"Then why did you have to die?" Spoken quietly.

There were no answers. True, he'd always known that she wasn't dead, that wherever she was, she'd keep a corner of her heart specifically reserved for him. His heart, on the other hand...

"I'm glad you love her. She's good for you."

Raven had not been on his radar, relationship wise. For more reasons than he cared to admit (the least of which was the obvious one), he'd hidden himself from anyone. Illusion was easily created in a team of virtual misfits, and he had taken the role of mediator between Robin and the rest of his teammates, becoming the big brother. The others accepted it, because he didn't break down. Oh, there were the requisite times when the circuitry and ridiculous-ness of the mission became too much and he just needed…space. But it wasn't the same thing as the others' overwhelming melodramatic issues.

Sometimes, locked carefully in his small room, he cursed them all.

Whatever Raven thought of herself, it was obvious that her emotions were as visible as Starfire's (ah, the mask has slipped back once more). The distinct shift of her emotions from Gar to him was disconcerting at first; he wasn't ready. But Raven was honest, and she was real, and most importantly, she did not turn into Sarasim or any of the other girls he dreamed about.

"Have you found love?"

"One day I thought I did."

"We're not friends, this is just polite conversation. Since you've been chatting up my teammates."

"Oh, they're your new friends. How lovely" The sarcasm oozed from her voice, but she sat down in the chair next to him and followed his gaze to the magazine.

"You can't undo what is done."

"Who in the hell do you think you are? You're not some omnipresent deity, you're the easy lay from high school…" He used his arm to shield the contents of the article.

"Vic, that's kind of harsh…"

"Will you stop acting like you didn't just leave me? Especially since…" his voice dropped from a yell to a snarl, "I did what you asked me to."

Since her arrival, Sophia had seemed immaterial, merely a ghost-like wraith. In that moment, she became substantial, flesh and blood and eyes that burned into his cybernetic metal. An angry palm made contact on his left cheek.

"Bitch"

"How is your heart big enough for everyone-your father, your friends, everyone except me?" She sobbed into her hands, wonderfully human. Like the rest of them. No better, no judge or jury, no imposing creature with all the answers.

"Because you _knew_. And you cared, but you let everything happen. And then you disappeared. And now you expect a truce. Mikaela, just go." He listened to the music of her tears. For once she was on the defensive. For once, she knew the feeling

"Can't." Her voice and manner are all business again, clipped and controlled and cool.

"I can't figure things out when you're around."

"I am sorry, Victor Oliver Stone, but news of my death are greatly exaggerated and _this_ is not about you and me anymore."

"It never really was, was it?"

A sigh.

"No, I suppose not." Softly. She paused.

"I like Raven. She's smart and funny and does not live in her secrets. Not anymore." _Unlike me_.

"Unlike you."

"Yeah."

"So?"

"Well," he took a deep breath and let it out. Let it go. Let it leave and die. "How do I not screw this up?"


End file.
